What to Say When Someone Asks Why You're Not Drinking
By Sophie Solmini
Founder, ICADC, MATS, NCRC
Clinical Context: This article is reviewed by a Certified Alcohol and Drug Counsellor. It provides educational information and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
You’re at a party, a work event, or a family dinner. You’re feeling good about your decision to not drink tonight. And then it happens. Someone walks over, drink in hand, and asks the question that can make your stomach drop: 'Hey, you’re not drinking? Why not?'
For anyone who is sober, sober-curious, or simply trying to cut back, this is one of the most stressful social hurdles. The question might be innocent, but it can feel loaded with judgment and pressure. Suddenly, you feel like you're in a spotlight, and you need to have the 'perfect' answer ready. Your mind races: 'Do I tell the truth? Do I make something up? Is it a big deal? Is it their business?'
First, let's take a deep breath and validate that feeling. It is completely normal to feel anxious in this situation. You are not alone. At Heal@Home, we believe that navigating your social life with confidence is a huge part of a successful recovery journey. This guide is your practical toolkit. It's not about judgment; it's about providing you with clear, simple, and effective responses so you can feel prepared and empowered in any situation.
The Foundation: You Don't Owe Anyone an Explanation
Before we get into any scripts, let's establish the most important rule: Your reasons for not drinking are your own. You are not obligated to share the details of your personal health journey with anyone. Your comfort and your recovery come first. The goal is to have a response that feels authentic to you and gracefully ends the conversation so you can get back to enjoying your time. The less of a big deal you make it, the less of a big deal it will be to others.
The 'Simple & Direct' Responses (For Casual Acquaintances & Work Events)
In most situations, less is more. These short, friendly, and direct answers are perfect because they are impossible to argue with and immediately signal that it's not a topic for debate.
- 'I'm not drinking tonight.'
- 'I have an early morning tomorrow.'
- 'I'm taking a break for a bit.'
- 'I'm the designated driver tonight.'
- 'I'm good for now, thanks!'
The 'Honest but Brief' Responses (For Friends & Family)
With people you are closer to, you might feel comfortable sharing a little more, without needing to go into your entire backstory. These responses are honest, positive, and help to normalize your decision.
- 'Alcohol hasn't been making me feel great lately, so I’m seeing how I feel without it.'
- 'I'm working on some new health goals, and cutting back on drinking is part of that.'
- 'I've found that my sleep is so much better when I don't drink.'
The Pivot: How to Gracefully Change the Subject
This is the most powerful tool in your toolkit. The secret to a smooth interaction is to answer briefly and then immediately 'pivot' the conversation back to the other person. People love to talk about themselves, and this technique shows you are still engaged and interested in them.
For more on managing these situations, the Anxiety Canada website has excellent resources on navigating social conversations.
What If Peer Pressure Becomes a Problem?
If you've given a simple answer and someone continues to press you, it's important to remember that this is their issue, not yours. If you find that these situations consistently trigger overwhelming cravings, it is not a sign of failure. It is a sign that your brain's reward system may need extra support. Our programs are designed to help you reduce the 'background noise' of cravings, giving you the freedom to use these new social skills with confidence. For more on this, you can read our guide to beating alcohol cravings.
You Are in Control of Your Story
Deciding how to talk about your relationship with alcohol is a personal journey. The goal is to find a few responses that feel right for you and to practice them so they feel natural. Your social life doesn't have to end when you stop drinking; it's often just the beginning of a more authentic one. You can explore more on this in our guide to navigating a sober social world.
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